I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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