The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
