This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
