I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
