I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
