I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
