I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Randomize
