Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
