Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
