You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
