Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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