I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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