Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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