I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
