we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
