dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
