That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
