I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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