Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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