I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Found the puke drawer
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
