I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
