At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
