im drinking this country out of the recession.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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