you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
