.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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