he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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