Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
