i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
