Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
