He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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