moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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