It's just like the Real World with babies
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
