Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
