Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
