is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
