I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Randomize