she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
