If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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