You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
