dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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