Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
