She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
