did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
