i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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