HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
