i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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