My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
