he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
