I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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