I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
