so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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