Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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