??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
