Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
