is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
