I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
