I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
