I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
