it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You have to summon your inner elephant
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize