i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
