I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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