Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
