You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
