she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize