he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
