I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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