I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
