The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
