I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I think your dad took our porno
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
